GUNS N’ ROSES: ‘THE BACHELOR’ SEASON 17 (FINAHHLEE), BY THE NUMBERS

Once upon a time, a unicorn arrived on the wings of an angel and slid down a double rainbow onto a mountain of gumdrops where he was kissed by the morning dew before landing ever so gently on a field … (Continue Reading…)

GUNS N' ROSES: 'THE BACHELOR' SEASON 17 (EPISODE 9), BY THE NUMBERS

paper writing services Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shitttt. I can't even remember anything before this rose ceremony. Where are these people? Hawaii? Did they go on a myriad of adventures on both land and sea? Did any girls mention … (Continue Reading…)

GUNS N' ROSES: 'THE BACHELOR' SEASON 17 (EPISODE 8), BY THE NUMBERS

Ugh. Honestly. Like, I get that hometown dates is just the calm before the mind-blowing-achievement-of-television-programming storm that is “the fantasy suites” episode but…really. Why. Maybe it was the game of ultimate fishbee (akin to ultimate frisbee, minus the frisbee, plus … (Continue Reading…)

GUNS N' ROSES: 'THE BACHELOR' SEASON 17 (EPISODE 7), BY THE NUMBERS

write my paper So, like, I have a lot of feelings. The problem is, my emotions are inextricably linked to my eyebrows and, as any medical professional can tell you, one simply cannot control ones eyebrows. Thus, I find myself … (Continue Reading…)

GUNS N' ROSES: 'THE BACHELOR' SEASON 17 (THE TWO-DAY BACHELOR EVENT!), BY THE NUMBERS

where can i buy cigars online Dear ABC, I want you to know I forgive you. Sure, I was a little perturbed by your lackluster response to my previous letter: A two-day Bachelor ”event” does not satisfy my plea for a seven-day Bachelor “channel.” … (Continue Reading…)

GUNS N' ROSES: 'THE BACHELOR' SEASON 17 (EPISODE TWO), BY THE NUMBERS

Once upon a time, there was a v-neck tee named George. George was a simple guy, quiet but strong; he said more with his triangle-shaped vacancy than most shirts express with both sleeves combined. Heroic, he rose up from isolation … (Continue Reading…)

GUNS N' ROSES: 'THE BACHELOR' SEASON 17 (EPISODE ONE), BY THE NUMBERS

…And we're back. And we don't really know why. After all, it only takes an extra second to add my best friend's email address to my mom's in order to reach my entire audience via Gmail. (I see you, dbs, … (Continue Reading…)

Rock Bottom with a Side of *Sparkles*: Imagining Taylor Swift on OKCupid

Disclaimer: I love Taylor Swift. I love her in the mornings, I love her in the evenings, even at supper times. (Guess what I’d do if Taylor Swift was on a bagel?) However, after this most recent break-up with Conor Kennedy, I … (Continue Reading…)

WITH THIS ROSE, I THEE BED: BACHELOR PAD (SEASON FIN-AHH-LE), BY THE NUMBERS

Dear Rachel, Oy. Best wishes on all your future endeavors, Emily P.S. But did you hear I met Kalon and Lindzi and we’re best friends forever now?!?! Because that happened and we are. And they’re totally reading this right now … (Continue Reading…)

WITH THIS ROSE, I THEE BED: BACHELOR PAD (EPISODE 7), BY THE NUMBERS

  So, I wasn’t planning on writing about this episode…I’d like to say it’s because I’m super busy or super popular or super rebellious. And, I mean, I’m usually all those things. But last week I was just feeling super … (Continue Reading…)