Your Grandkids Are Going To Have Sex With A Robot

Technology is growing at an exponential rate.  When I was ten, I only knew one person who owned a cell phone, and that person was Zach Morris.  Flash forward 20 years later and your cell phone has a name and you can ask it questions, which it then answers.  So what does this mean?  Well, it means only one thing, there’s a 99% chance your grandson is going to f*&k a robot.  Let me explain.

See, evolutionarily speaking, man’s number one directive is to put his penis inside a desirable vagina.  But the people that own vaginas have a directive that says: “Only allow penises that belong to men that can keep you safe and provide for you, inside your vagina.”  This creates a problem, because most penises do not have those types of men attached to them.  So, a while ago, some of those men decided, “I have to find another way to trick the penis into thinking that I’ve found a desirable vagina to stick it in to.”  And thus, porno was born.  And as porno grew, so did technology.  There are latex molds of asses and vaginas now.  There are videos shot from a male POV.  You name it, porn is trying it.  And as technology grows and becomes readily available, porn will use that technology to create more life-like products.  Which means only one thing:  Robots that will f*&k you.  Let me explain.

She just looks like she's made of marzipan. No one wants to have sex with marzipan.

See, I figure at some point, we’re going to get the hang of robots.  Right now robots are really crappy and everybody goes apeshit when a robot can pick up a quarter, or walk up a flight of stairs.  But it’s 2012.  And if, in twenty years, we can go from one of those giant Zach Morris phones to an iphone, then in 80 years, there’s no way we’re not going to be able to go from robots that can walk up stairs to robots that look and act like people.  If you don’t believe me, watch Terminator’s 1 and 2, and if you hate yourself, 3.  I trust James Cameron.

Look at that face. That's a face that says "I know what happens in the future, and it's fucking scary."

At first, we’ll have these life-like robots, that look and act like real people, and they’ll be used to help out around the house, or watch your grandparents.  People will think it’s creepy, but they won’t be able to deny the usefulness of the robot.  And then one day someone will fuck one of the robots.  The guy that does it will probably look like this guy:

This is the opposite of James Cameron's face.

Everyone will be like “ew, gross.”  Then slowly, news stories will leak out, of more and more people having sex with their robots.  And suddenly, it won’t be that weird to have sex with your robot.  And when that happens, the porn industry, which will have already been working on a fuck robot, will unveil one.  And it will become so successful, that larger, more mainstream companies will start making them, too.  Playstation will come out with one, and it’ll look really good, but it’ll give weird hand jobs, or won’t do anal.  Then Microsoft will come out with one and it’ll do everything, but they’ll have released it before they tested all the bugs and it’ll rip off someone’s penis by accident.  If you don’t believe this is going to happen, I have two words for you: Japanese Dudes.  Let me explain.

Japan leads the world in technology.  It also happens to lead the world in weird fucking.  Those two things have not, and will never, be mutually exclusive.  In fact, Japan is already working on this shit:  It’s very creepy right now, sure, but imagine 80 years from now, when it’s totally awesome (i.e. hot.) 

Sure, this is frightening and will now haunt your nightmares, but in 80 years? TOTALLY DOABLE.

So, I thought about it, and I figure that right around 2060 you should be able to buy a robot you can fuck, pretty much anywhere.  But they’ll be expensive and won’t work that well.  Which means that about 2080, they’re going to work really well, and you’ll be able buy them anywhere.  So, say you’re around 30 right now.  You have a kid in the next ten years.  That puts us at 2020.  Then your kid, has his or her own kid at around 2050.  That means at 2080, your grand kid will be 30, and he’ll be fucking  a robot.  Just in case you got tired of reading this article and decided to skim it, I’ve summarized it all in one easy-on-the-eyes graph:

3 Responses to Your Grandkids Are Going To Have Sex With A Robot

  1. Yungblud says:

    Totally freaky, A lil weird, Super hilarious but probably the truth…Good Read

  2. Pingback: You, Robot

  3. Pingback: You, Robot « Red State Blue State

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