The Worst Resume Of All Time

Our editor Ryan Walter really likes applying for jobs for which he is woefully qualified.  But more than that, he enjoys driving people insane.  For the last few weeks he’s been applying to all kinds of jobs, and getting all kinds of responses.  Last week you may remember he created the dumbest ad agency application of all time, and got a less than thrilled response.  Well, late last week, under the name “Jim Bakersfield,” Ryan applied for a job at a moving company that really wanted to see his resume, but he felt that wasn’t the best representation of himself.  The  results are below.

Either Peter wasn’t lying and that resume really was a formality, or he was really impressed that in the early 2000s, Ryan was Shaq.  Either way, we were almost tempted to send Ryan down there and get this job.  Peter sounds pretty easy going.

13 Responses to The Worst Resume Of All Time

  1. Abbie says:

    Less inflammation!

  2. Ben Stillman says:

    Hasketball! funny stuff

  3. Jesse says:

    This is fucking fantastic.

  4. suzanne masten says:

    That had me in tears. I love that resume

  5. Say What? says:

    How can one invest in SKYHIGH? I see a great future for that endeavor.

  6. Jimothy says:

    I must say, I had never in my wildest imaginations conjured up the notion to ride a polar bear into the Arctic Ocean whilst simultaneously pounding a 2 liter of coke and hoisting a bald eagle up to the heavens. Now that I have seen this, I will not rest until I have achieved this feat.

  7. Becker says:

    Dude. Justin. This was amazing. I just read it to 5 people and a dog. Everyone lost. The dog didn’t get it. I still think its good.

  8. Hugh Power says:

    That is so fuckin funny

  9. mike says:

    i feel like we have a lot of the same dreams and goals.

  10. MIKE says:


  11. Kc says:

    Worst resume? MORE LIKE THE BEST!!!! I would hire this guy even though his resume is bs!

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