Hey Earth, get with the times. Today is the first day of summer. And that's that. Adjust your axis so that everything finally coincides and people don't have to say that it's not “technically” summer yet.
Today is Memorial Day which means it's time to remember all of the soldiers who have lost their lives in battle. …the same way we celebrate every other summertime holiday…by drinking whichever canned beer is on sale at Ralph's, and barbecuing.
Today is the day your fat neighbor fires up his 4 burner propane grill that he named “The Hulk” and throws on his XXXL “Kiss The Cook” T-shirt while you search for your little black barbecue for 25 minutes that your wife thinks you might have thrown away, but you swear you didn't… and when you FINALLY find it on the side of your house under a broken kayak you have to stop and have a deep heart-to-heart with yourself over whether it is even fucken worth it to pull it out and deal with all the spiders.
Put on some gloves. Pull it out and dust it off. It can't be worse than these: