Football is BACK!
Football is finally back, and not a moment too soon! I was running out of excuses for skipping religious and family obligations. It is time for another season of false hope for most of us, paired with a mutual hatred for Bill Belichick. Here are a few of my favorite football follies that have me excited for another disappointing season for my favorite team.
“But Coach, I don’t want to be number 93. I’ve been 98 my entire life. I’m a huge Mike Ditka fan! Why do I have to wear 93?”
“Don’t argue with me Berry! Just do it!”
“OH-EMM-GEE I totally hooked up with Sparky last night!” -Soroity girl of Oregon
“Haha! That’s amusing! I almost don’t mind that it’s -10 outside!”
Kickers can NOT catch a break.
“Punt team! We’re shy 3 men out there! Where are ‘Moore’, ‘Goode’, and ‘Dick’! I need ‘Moore, Goode, Dick’!”
“Strike! Strike! Strike!”
“God damnit I hate you…”
“I hate you so much…”
“I always wondered what ESPN stood for…”
A punter’s revenge…
“I almost won the Heisman…what happened to me?!”
“I could be a replacement ref…looks like a sweet gig…”