Drunk beer review Friday: Voll Damm


Once a week I go to the store and pick out a beer I’ve never tried. Then I drink PLENTY of them, enough to get me COMPLETELY FUCKING …inspired. THEN I write an unedited review. Below is what my liver hopes does not become a weekly column called “I Got Wasted On A Beer Then Reviewed It While I Was Totally Wasted.”


 Voll Damm

This beer comes from Spain.  It says “doble malta” right on the label which technichally means it’s stronger than a professional, touring, stressed from being away from his family, but respected and sometimes recognized on the streets… whipper snapper’s whip snap. It’s a 7.2% beer…Which means that your very first beer has the ability to give you that encouraging nudge to go an’ brush yo shoulders off.   About 1 1/2 – 2 of these smooth, easy drinking cold ones, and you’re gonna enter the zone where ANYTHING that flies outa ANYONE’S mouth is a good idea. So be careful not to agree to drive on a snowboarding trip the next morning.

Unlike your friend who-for some reason-once he gets drunk feels the need to bear-hug everyone and pick them up as he screams the first letter of their name, and then “daahaawg”, THIS crisp, full bodied lager cruises in and swizzles onto and around and then past your receptive taste buds, giving ‘em a warm, friendly one armed hug that makes your mouth energized, reassured, and comfortable in it’s caramely, malty presence. Each sip will leave your taste buds yelling “Bye!”  ”That was fun!” and then immediately discussing the experience and agreeing with each other that they all had such a good time with that beer’s smooth taste and that they should get it’s email from Katie, if she has it, and see if it wants to go to the art show thing on Thursday.

Hints of floral vapors and nutty overtones team up to form a taste that would NEVER EVER enter its’ baby into an online baby beauty pageant. It’s flavor wouldn’t be into that.  It’s subtle smokiness wouldn’t necessarily openly condemn someone for it… it would probably let it’s co-worker do it without actually saying to her face “What the fuck is wrong with you? Just nurse it and shit. It’s like a month old.” …and MIGHT even get online and vote so that she stops showing it pictures of her basic, standard issue baby,  but ONLY if it’s on a website where you don’t have to sign up and give ‘em your email.

Pair this beer with: Tapas.  …relax, you can call ANYTHING tapas as long as you can pick it up with one hand.  Soooo, like ….a few raisins, or craisins…..or a small piece of chicken…could be a tapa. Don’t do the raisin one, that was a shitty example.



One Response to Drunk beer review Friday: Voll Damm

  1. Carlo says:

    Hilarious review.. but the beer honestly sucks. Nothing good can come out of Spain as far as beer is concerned.
    They’re all cheap and good to get drunk. That’s the end of it.

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