With the Olympics coming up, I’m pretty sure that you will start to see a few American’s that look like this guy:
Current photo of Mark Spitz.* (In no way is this a current photo of Mark Spitz*)
It’s totally cool to cheer on the good ol’ USA over in London, but let’s try to make ourselves look more like patriots, and less like the crowd at a McDonald’s at 12:20 on a Wednesday. Here are a few American tourists that are playing the role of “What Europeans Think American Tourists Look Like.”
“There isn’t ONE Olive Garden here! Italy sucks…”
“I came to Frankfurt, Germany for some friggin’ hot dogs!”
“I’m really glad that we were able to take this trip to Palestine.”
“Why do you think people keep calling us ‘Le Assholes’? What do you think that means? Whatever, where can we get some of their famous toast?”
“Yea, yea, yea, just chill for a second bro. We gotta take this picture. God…unprofessional.”
“This would make me look SO much hotter if I could grow a mustache.”
“Well my shorts are a little short, so this Native American necklace bag to hold my things. I see no problem here.”
The only thing missing from this picture is a “Don’t Hassel Me, I’m Local” T-Shirt.
“Oh man check out this fuggin monks! I want to get a REAL CLOSE SHOT OF THESE HERE MOTHERFUCKERS. Can one of y’all smile or some shit?”
Nothing screams tourist like an outdated track suit!
“I don’t care about a stupid sign, Mark just totally blew me off so I need a new Facebook profile picture without him in it. God Mark is such an ass. We need someone who talks English to take this picture.”
“HA! Look at these stupid sacred religious idols and their SUPER DUMB poses! Let’s make fun of them in front of locals for a picture!”
“I have the most original and CUUUUTEST idea for a picture with this leaning tower of pizza.”
“I keep my billfold in the front here so none of your damn gypsy children rob me. Now, I’ll take 30 of them refrigerator magnets.”
“We are looking for some generic clothes that say ‘London’. We only buy clothes that have the names of places we’ve been to on them.”
The last photo should be the New American Flag.